Kimberley Quinlan is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and has a private practice in Calabasas, CA specializing in Anxiety, OCD and related disorders, and Eating Disorders. Kimberley is also the founder of CBTschool.com, an online psycho-education platform that provides online courses for those with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors. She is the author of The Self-Compassion Workbook for OCD and the host of Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast, a podcast aimed at providing mindfulness-based tools for anxiety, OCD, depression, and BFRBs. She has been featured in many world-renowned and prestigious media outlets, such as The Washington Post, The LA Times, The Wall Street Journal, NPR (National Public Radio), KCRW public radio, The Seattle Times, and The Australian Newspaper. Kimberley has also consulted on various mental health issues with programs such as ABC’s 20/20 and Telemundo.
Article2 min read
What Is Self-Criticism and How Do You Stop Doing It?
- Kimberly Quinlan LMFT
- Dominique Rodriguez MEd LCPC NCC
- Oct 1, 2025
- 2
Does it ever feel like the little voice in your head has nothing nice to say? You might be experiencing self-criticism. While moments of stress and anxiety happen to just about everyone, they can feel incredibly lonely and isolating in the moment, causing your own brain to turn on itself.
What Is Self-Criticism?
Self-criticism is the act of judging yourself harshly for struggles, mistakes, or perceived shortcomings. It might be triggered by the way you react to a struggle or simply the fact that you’re having the struggle in the first place, and you may believe that punishing yourself will prevent future problems. However, this pattern of behavior only creates an ongoing cycle of self-criticism and self-punishment that makes it even harder to cope with everyday challenges.
People with depression or anxiety tend to experience particularly intense self-criticism due to an ongoing internal dialogue that is harshly judgmental of themselves.
Exercise: Turning Self-Criticism into Self-Compassion
| If your self-criticism sounds like: | You might be experiencing: | Try these words of self-compassion instead: |
| “You’re so stupid! Why do you always act this way?” | Harsh self-talk | “It makes sense that I would feel this way. Anyone would feel similarly in the same situation.” |
| “You need to work harder. Pull yourself up and push through the pain!” | Unrealistic expectations | “Taking a moment to rest doesn’t make me self-absorbed, selfish, or lazy. In fact, it might motivate me more.” |
| “You shouldn’t be feeling this way. Get over it.” | Judging coping strategies | "I’m going to take a moment to sit with my discomfort and acknowledge what I’m feeling. My anxiety might even start to dissipate once I’ve addressed it.” |
| “Everyone can tell how nervous you are. You’ll probably say something stupid, and everyone will laugh at you.” | Expectation of judgment from others | "Realistically, people probably aren’t paying close enough attention to notice I’m a bit nervous. Even if they do, what’s the big deal? I’m sure many others deal with similar struggles.” |
Was this article helpful?
