Ask an Expert: Why Am I Afraid of Being a Burden as I Get Older?

Expert Interview

Suggested expert: Client-facing psychologist with experience providing care to seniors

Many people worry about becoming a burden to their loved ones as they age. This fear can come from different sources, such as health issues, financial struggles, or a loss of independence. ADAA spoke to Dr. Steve Strakowski to better understand this concern and learn how to cope with it.

How common is it for people to fear being a burden as they age? Are there any specific triggers that tend to spark these fears?

This fear is very common, especially as people start to notice changes in their health or ability to do things on their own. Some common triggers include being diagnosed with a chronic illness, experiencing a fall or injury, or seeing friends or family members go through similar struggles. Financial concerns can also play a big role, as some people worry about the cost of care or not having enough savings for the future.

What steps can someone take in their younger years to prepare so they feel more in control when the time comes to ask for help?

Planning ahead can make a big difference. Here are a few steps to take:

• Stay active and healthy: Taking care of your body now can help you maintain independence for longer. Avoid activities that damage your health, such as smoking or illicit drug use. Try to get regular moderate exercise. Get medical and mental health care when needed; don’t try to just “tough it out.”
• Save money early: Having a financial plan for long-term care or medical expenses can reduce stress later.
• Build a support network: Keep close relationships with friends, family, and community groups so you have people to turn to when you need help.
• Talk about your wishes: Let your loved ones know what kind of care you would like in the future and where you would feel most comfortable living.

How do society’s views on aging contribute to the fear of becoming a burden? How can we shift this narrative?

Unfortunately, society often portrays aging as a time of decline and dependency, which makes people feel like they are a burden if they need help. In fact, most people in generally good health will remain independent to the end of their lives. We need to recognize that aging is a natural part of life and that older adults have so much to offer in terms of wisdom, experience, and support for younger generations. Changing the way we talk about aging—focusing on staying engaged, contributing to the community, and valuing all life stages—can help shift this mindset.

What role does open communication with family members and loved ones play in alleviating anxiety around being a burden? Are there any ways to improve this communication?

Open and honest communication is key. Many people worry about being a burden but never actually talk to their families about it. Instead of assuming how your loved ones feel, have a conversation about your concerns and needs.

Here are some ways to improve communication:

• Start early: Don’t wait until there’s a crisis to talk about aging and care needs.
• Be honest but positive: Express your concerns while also focusing on solutions and how you can stay independent as long as possible.
• Listen to your loved ones: They may have different perspectives or be more willing to help than you expect.
• Consider professional guidance: A therapist or counselor can help facilitate these conversations if they feel difficult or emotional.
• Have a plan for what medical interventions you want near the end of life: There are certain realities of human life we will just have to come to terms with. If you have a late-age crisis, and you don’t have a medical plan in place, healthcare typically is required to go ‘full force.’ This approach, very unfortunately, is more likely to extend your death than add to your life. So, be very clear of what you want, get it written down, and have a discussion with your family about how you want your wishes to be followed. It’s better to have certain uncomfortable conversations now than regretting things being left unsaid.

Aging comes with challenges, but it doesn’t have to mean losing control or becoming a burden. By planning ahead, changing how we think about aging, and keeping open communication with loved ones, we can face the future with confidence and peace of mind.